Last time we talked about the importance of “creating a memory” at your engagement.  At Kelleher International our job doesn’t end when we introduce you to “the One”, quite the opposite, this is exactly where our 24 years of experience comes into play to help you at every stage of your romance.

Okay, we’ve already covered THE PROPOSAL and it’s time to move on to AFTER THE PROPOSAL.

She wants to know that you are as excited about your now-pending nuptials as she is, and the more you do in the days immediately following the engagement, the more energy and anticipation you will creating heading towards wedding day.  You have to consider that

immediately after the engagement she will want to call her friends and family to tell them the great news, but you can plan your AFTER THE PROPOSAL memory to begin very soon after she says “yes”.

Here are a couple of great things I’ve heard from recent proposals:

• Two tickets to Paris – a classic that never gets old
• He booked a reservation for the next night at a four star restaurant with her best friend and his best friend – they would go on to be the Best Man and Matron of Honor
• He planned brunch the next morning with her parents (he flew them into town) and his parents at a beautiful bay-view restaurant

Again, congratulations on getting ready to take that next step and good luck making a memory that will last a lifetime.

At Kelleher International we bring together the most successful singles across business, sports, entertainment, education and philanthropy.  It’s thrilling to work with leaders from every corner of the globe and help them find “the One”.  There are dozens of books and whole schools of psychology around the “Alpha Male” and what makes them tick, and our network is full of these incredibly successful men.

But our network is also full of wildly accomplished women.  Whether they are TV Anchors, entrepreneurs, UN delegates or Heads of Surgery, they are at the top of their games and similarly deserve the title “Alpha Female”.

Are there different considerations when dating Alpha Males vs. Alpha Females?  An important part of a Kelleher International membership is relationship coaching, especially in the early stages of new love, and we work closely with our members to identify great matches and then light the spark romance.  So what advice do we give our top men as they begin to date the Alpha Female?

1. Don’t Assume that the “Alpha” mentality defines every aspect of her life: while it’s true that many Alpha Males are also extreme athletes, adventure vacationers and collectors of the “best” of everything, the Alpha Female may follow a different pattern.  Her Alpha may be only professional, but in a relationship she seeks equal partnership.  She may enjoy beautiful Tahiti sunsets to the challenge of K2, or a drive through the Fall trees instead of a 10 mile bike ride.  There are no universal truths, but as you approach the relationship, do not jump the conclusion that she is 100% Alpha.
2. Don’t mistake self-sufficiency for not wanting someone to depend on or to pay attention to her: She may have been incredibly successful on many fronts and is a self-made winner, but that doesn’t mean that she isn’t seeking a strong male.  Centuries of conditioning have built into female DNA to seek the Provider and Protector.  No matter what her success, it is hard to fight hundreds of years of evolution.  What does that mean for you?  Don’t hesitate to take the lead on making plans (every woman loves a man with a plan), don’t hesitate to open the door for her, do exhibit your virility in the right circumstance.
3. Let her play down her success if she wants to: if she doesn’t want to talk about her many successes, do not take this as a sign that she doesn’t want to share, or that she is shy or even overly humble.  Just like she can’t find centuries of evolution, she also knows that men can’t fight that either.  There is nothing inherently feminine about great success (although they are not in conflict in any way) and hundreds of years have carved into men’s DNA certain characteristics that she may choose to emphasize over her success.  She may choose to seem more nurturing than domineering, more sensual than aggressive – let her be who she wants to be and don’t define her by her Alpha status.

Great singles come together to make great couples, and at Kelleher International we see elite “Alphas” of all flavors come together and find a lifetime of happiness.  Are you one?  Call us and see if we have the match for you!!

Next Time: Are you an Alpha Female?  Tips on finding Love….

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Today’s Question: you’ve just wrapped up a first date, it was good but not great, do you agree to a second meeting?

Romance blooms at different rates for different people, and at Kelleher International we stay very involved during the early stages of our matches so that we can coach our clients as well as capture feedback for future matches.

When working with clients that are unsure about a second date, we ask some very simple questions to put some further granularity on their date experience.  When probing into what didn’t meet their expectations we ask our clients to divide their feedback into “Values Issues” and “Performance Issues”.  Values Issues are just what they sound like –a mismatch/conflict in the lifetime goals, personal outlook or deep-rooted opinions of two people.  As part of our in-depth screening we conduct with every client, we usually are able to preempt potential Values Issues, but matchmaking is an iterative process and what may not have seemed important to a client during our interviews may have jumped in importance when faced with it over an appetizer.  If there is a values mismatch, then graciously decline a second date and move on – ignoring that signal just postpones the pain.

Performance Issues in dates occur when someone could just be potentially having an off night.  “He’s boring”, “She talked too much”, “he’s dressed like a slob”, anything from a long list of examples of someone just not putting their best foot forward.  In working with a client considering a second date and working through some performance issues, we often take them back to the earlier Values discussion.  “Did he have the same vision for the future, that you did?”, “Does she have the zest for life you were hoping for?”, “Is philanthropy part of his life in the way that you hoped?” and based on the strength of those answers, a second date may now be in the future.

Now don’t get me wrong, Performance Issues are not to be taken lightly, and a repeat performance triggers a very different conversation with our clients.  However, just as in the screening process, we work closely with our clients to  center in on those characteristics in a partner that will deliver a lifetime of happiness.

This post is for the fellas.  Most of the questions I get are around finding “the One” and then the many stages of courting and romance.   In the past two decades we have worked with thousands of couples at Kelleher International and have seen hundreds and hundreds of marriages between our clients.  If you are lucky enough to be in a relationship and are considering a proposal, then my top piece of advice for you is “make a memory”.  Whether you are 25 or 55, your engagement day can be a shared memory that continues to build the excitement to your wedding day.

Okay, now that you’ve decided to “make a memory”, think hard about how your future wife (so exciting!) would want the event to unfold.  Picture her on the phone with her girlfriends the next day retelling the story.  Imagine her on the phone with her parents sharing the news.

Personally, the thought of being proposed to on the Jumbotron at a Knick’s game is more embarrassing than exciting – so be careful not to confuse BIG EVENT with GREAT MEMORY.  Plan carefully THE PROPOSAL and the AFTER-PROPOSAL.  Let’s start with THE PROPOSAL – what are the three words you want your fiancée to use when she is telling the story the next day (and for the next twenty years). Here are a couple of great things I heard from recent engagements that hit the nail on the head:

• He held a dinner party that had the same six attendees and exact menu from the dinner party two years earlier where he had taken her on their first date – at the end of the meal he proposed
• He paid two camera men with telephoto lenses to capture the event from a distance, and later that night he presented her with a photo record of the event (I can only imagine how much better the story telling was the next day)
• He organized a private dinner on a beach at sunset – complete with string quartet playing background music

What these all have in common is that they create a memory that your future wife can’t wait to share (verrrrry important!) and it starts of your journey to the altar on the perfect note….

Next time, Engagement Part II – AFTER PROPOSAL