Whether you are a new client flying off to Paris for your first match or have been happily married for more than twenty years, Kelleher International wants to be your resource to make your journey of love wildly fulfilling, exciting, dynamic, and deeply passionate.
We’ll talk about strategies for dating success, navigating relationship land mines, and the mindset it takes to find love and make it blossom. We will put current events in the context of seeking love and even give you a little window into the match making business and how a centuries-old tradition continues to evolve in our modern world. The “right one” is out there for you, so check back weekly for updates or follow us on Twitter to make the most of our partnership in your future.
Distinguished matchmaker Amber Kelleher-Andrews serves as a love expert on NBC’s brand new series “Ready For Love,” from Executive Producer Eva Longoria.
UNVERSAL CITY, Calif. – June 26, 2012 — NBC announced today that preeminent matchmaker Amber Kelleher-Andrews, relationship author Tracy McMillan and professional dating coach Matthew Hussey will join the innovative relationship series “Ready for Love,” premiering in Winter 2012-13. The series, from executive producer Eva Longoria, UnbeliEVAble Entertainment, Renegade 83 and Universal Television, will give three successful and handsome men – Ben Patton (http://www.facebook.com/PattonB), an international financier from Dallas; Tim Lopez (http://www.facebook.com/TimJLopez), a member of the popular music group Plain White T’s from Santa Barbara, Calif., and Ernesto Arguello (ttp://www.facebook.com/arguelloernesto), an entrepreneur with a social vision from Miami – the chance to find their soul mate. The three relationship experts will bring their individual styles and experiences to help the girls and guys find their perfect match. ‘
Giuliana and Bill Rancic will host the series where the three matchmakers will help the men find their perfect mates.
The announcement was made by Paul Telegdy, President, Alternative and Late Night Programming, NBC Entertainment.
“These are three of the best relationship experts in the world, each coming to the show with their own unique approaches to matchmaking and fostering healthy, long-lasting relationships,’” said Telegdy. “The chances of the men finding true love are infinitely better because the matchmakers hand-selected women they feel will be most compatible with each of the guys.”
Kelleher-Andrews is the CEO of Kelleher International, the top international search firm credited in the press with matching Fortune 500 CEO’s and A-list celebrities as well as members of the British royal family, Gettys, duPonts and Rockefellers. Kelleher-Andrews has been featured as a relationship expert and matchmaker on NBC’s Today Show, Good Morning America, 20/20, Entertainment Tonight and People magazine. In 1998, Kelleher-Andrews partnered with her mother Jill, and opened the second office of what is now considered the largest and most exclusive matchmaking firm in the world. She recently graced the cover of European CEO magazine and is a regular contributor for The Huffington Post. Kelleher-Andrews was awarded back-to-back global matchmaking awards for 2010 and 2011 and also received critical acclaim as host for her radio talk show, “The Rules of Engagement” where Kelleher-Andrews’ unique expertise provides insight into the challenges of dating in the modern world. For more information please visit www.kelleher-international.com.
Don’t miss this week’s episode of ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition airing Sunday, July 1st, as relationship coach Amber Kelleher-Andrews helps 28-year-old Michael find the courage to follow his heart as he transforms his body.
Exciting news! Amber-Kelleher Andrews has been selected as one of three matchmakers as part of a new series hosted by Eva Longoria titled “Ready for Love”. It will air late this year and will chronicle the love journey of three eligible bachelors supported by the advice of a team of relationship experts. More details to follow!
My second reaction is “You probably don’t”. You may want to smooch him, vacation in Lake Como with him, or just stare endlessly at him, but the “love” you learned from looking at the cover of Tiger Beat magazine or even People, is not the kind of love that will fill your heart for the rest of your life. The reason we work so much with celebrities is because many of them don’t want to date each other.
Does this describe who you’re looking for: on the road six months of the year, constantly being accosted by beautiful men/women with very graphic offers, feast-and-famine careers, most likely no advanced degree, their idea of “commitment” is doing a full 23 season TV show.
They might be beautiful, but you only know their public image. When we work up your profile, and your goals match up with Gorgeous George’s, then maybe we will put you together.
Many of our clients have been on the covers of famous magazines, and although we never discuss our clientele, for as long as I can remember there have been rumors about specific celebrities we work with. The Kelleher International network is full of singles at the top of their game — and that game might be sports, entertainment, business, academics or philanthropy. Most of our clients aren’t Hollywood famous — there aren’t enough of them to have a very big network — but a couple of times a week some potential new client asks me “What’s it like to be a matchmaker for someone famous, like Jennifer Aniston?” (One of the most persistent, but obviously out-of-date, rumors).
The simple answer: it’s 100% the same as matching anyone else in our network. Some of the details might be slightly different, but the approach is the same.
Step One: just like with any of our clients, we asses if the celebrity is interested in a relationship, not just dating. I hate using the term “marriage minded” because it conjures up all kinds of arranged-marriage images, but we have to be sure a client is “in it to win it” before we set them up on any introductions. One common condition that afflicts celebrities is the impact of years of people telling them how spectacular they are. The technical term is Acquired Narcissism Syndrome, but more simply, some celebs have lost the ability to form that initial equal-to-equal emotional connection. If a celebrity isn’t ready to join our network, then we hold off on any introductions until there is a change in their situation.
Step Two: We work with the potential client to set some priorities and parameters. Do they want children? Will they be out-of-town six months of the year? Do they have a religious preference? How would they rank adventurous, academic, well-traveled, funny, etc. in what attracts them to someone? These are all the same topics we work through with anyone, and in particular we press celebrities to come up with some hard answers to these questions in light of their current career and how those answers might change if things got better or worse.
Step Three: Once we understand the celebrity client’s commitment to a relationship and their self-awareness of relationship priorities, we do add an extra step before completing a match. We identify a handful of matches and then have a pre-match discussion with them to evaluate their interest/ability to have a “normal” date with a celebrity. Most couples have to navigate the waters of feeling like equals between each other, it’s an entirely different dynamic to understand how that might play out against the dynamics of public fame. Rande Gerber is a wildly successful businessman, but to most he’s just Mr. Cindy Crawford.
Step Four: Match!
Whether you have a hit TV show, platinum album or are currently batting .395, we know how to find love for you the same as we do if you just had an IPO, received a Fields Medal or completed your fourth trans-Pacific sailing race.
If you’ve ever been in sales, run your own business, or even managed a membership drive for a large philanthropy, you know what happens at the end of a quarter — you put a little extra gas in the engine to “hit your numbers”. So here it is June, the end of Q2 2012, what are you going to do to end your “dating” quarter on a high note? Are there “prospects” you’ve been putting off calling. Pick up the phone and call them. Are there current people you are seeing, but the progress is slow? Cut your losses and refocus your efforts. Who are three people you can call that can make a high quality introduction in the next ten days?
Finding love isn’t the same as running a business, but a surge in energy and focus delivers universal benefit. You’ve got just under 30 days, let’s make this your best dating quarter yet.
There’s a great/sad article in the LA Times this weekend. It’s a story we’ve heard a thousand times about the pitfalls and frustrations of online dating. This woman’s particular tale of woe includes the usual mix of false identities, misrepresentation and plain old creepiness. Now don’t get me wrong, I do know a handful of wonderful couples that met online, but I know dozens of men and women who bet their future on these services and lost years on the online dating treadmill.
I would never discourage anyone from exploring every possible path to finding “The One”, but if more than 10% of your plan is online dating, I urge you to round out your strategy so that two years from now you’re not being interviewed by the next person who writes an online dating disasters article.
A week doesn’t pass that some potential client doesn’t tell me “I’m great at dating”, or “I don’t have any problems dating”. My initial reaction is almost always “I’m sorry to hear that”.
Over the course of a long, single life, many men get very skilled at the “process and execution” of an evening out with a woman. They’ve got their favorite bar to start the night, a couple of restaurants that are just cool enough, and a handful of later night watering holes when the night goes as planned. They have learned where dozens of women grew up, where they went to school, what type of travel they like and what kind of dog they want.
But these men are still single.
These men have confused the event-planning portion of meeting a woman with the real purpose of spending time with someone new — to figure out if this person is “The One”. When your buddies ask “how was your date”, the answer that runs through your head shouldn’t begin with “we had a great meal at…” (although that’s what you can tell your friends) it should begin with “I found out that we share/don’t share some of my core values like…”. So what does this mean for you men? It means you should no longer be judging the success of your “date” by how good the meal was, how hot your date was (OK, you can include that a little) or how much action you got, but rather by how strong an assessment you made of how your values are lining up. What that means is that you have to go into the evening with a few values you want to probe for — adventure, worldliness, philanthropy, compassion — and despite your urge to tell some of your funniest stories from college or talk about work, you need to orient your conversation around surfacing the values you hope to share with someone you will be with for a long, long time.
Being great at “dating”, or planning out fun nights and leading a joint background review with some new woman is a fine skill, but don’t confuse this with what you really need in order to be successful in finding “The One”.
I recently came across a study I read years ago titled “Does marriage make people happy, or do happy people get married?”.
The answer is a little bit of both: if you are predisposed to happiness, then there is a higher likelihood you will choose to get married. When you do get married, your overall life satisfaction will climb, and even when you are not in a state of elevated satisfaction, you will have a “base” that is much higher than your singles days. Even more interesting, for marriages post-35, the gap in life satisfaction pre- and in-marriage is even greater. Better to get married at 42 than 22! [the study]
We should celebrate our Mothers everyday, but I am thrilled that this day is set aside for this special purpose. I have had the great fortune to work side-by-side with the most spectacular woman I have ever met. She is compassionate, driven, nurturing, brilliant, savvy… I could go on and on…and she has helped me become the woman, and the mother, that I am today. My Mother, Jill Kelleher, is everything you could hope for in a mom. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom, I love you!
I just read a little preview of an upcoming book titled “THE OUTSOURCED SELF: Intimate Life in Market Times” which chronicles how everything that was once part of private life—love, friendship, child rearing—is being transformed into packaged expertise to be sold back to overworked Americans. Whether it’s your trainer at the gym or the sleep consultant that gets your baby through the night, there is no corner of personal life without experts. The book covers a lot of what Kelleher International has known for 26 years – your apprehension or embarrassment to engage an expert in some aspect of your personal life is just another block you’re putting up in front of yourself. You’ll spend three hours with the golf pro on a Saturday but balk at spending three with the “love pro”.
Today’s the day to match up your list of experts with your real personal priorities.
Dating can be fun. You meet interesting people, do fun things, flirt and get flirted with, and if the stars line up right, you make a connection to last a lifetime.
Sometimes daters have too much fun and lose sight of the goal – to get to know someone, make a connection, and figure out if each other are “The One”. There is a magical time early in dating when you are learning as much as you can about someone, but once you hit a certain time milestone, if you don’t know something, you assume it’s a “no”. As you are about to head out on any of your first two or three dates with a new potential amor, ask yourself, “what do I need to learn about them tonight in order to keep moving forward”.
This works both ways. Since you often attract what you radiate, you may want to ask yourself “what do I want to make sure I share tonight to help them build out the complete picture of me?”
Enter each date with a “goal” and make love happen.
I love to travel, and nothing starts my getaway juices flowing like the annual Condé Nast review of hot new hotels. I love travel for a number of reasons. I find travel brings a couple together both when they experience great locations, and later when revisit a magnificent shared experience. When you look back at the end of any year, travel always stands out in the highlights.
This year my favorite was so breathtaking I almost passed out on the spot. It is one part Four Seasons chic and two parts Out of Africa. Some of favorite parts are the “No”s – no wifi, no health center, no bar, no pool, because instead you find yourself in one of four luxury tents looking out on a Zebra preserve in South Luangwa Valley, Zambia. Every tent is assigned a butler who makes G&Ts appear out of thin air and arrives each morning with clean pressed clothes. The twice daily walking tours include everything from hippos to zebras, elephants, and buffalo. The area is known for its birds (more than 400 species) and even the extremely rare Thornycroft giraffe.
Add travel to your life this year, including the Sanctuary Zebra Plains Walking Safari Camp. [see more]
First dates are always filled with anticipation, anxiety, expectations and lead to the all-important question – are you going on a second date?
The next time the answer is “no”, I’d like to pose a follow up question – “How about another first date?”
Everyone enters a first date anticipating that at the end of the night they’ll be able to answer a short set of questions…does he have enough ambition, is she hot enough, will he be great with kids, does she want to travel…on and on. Too many times, after a first date, if there aren’t enough checks in the “YES” column, then no second date is scheduled. There is a big difference between a lack of “YES” and a bunch of “NO”. The next time you’re not sure about scheduling a second date, ask yourself, “were they a ‘no’, or just not quite a ‘yes”. If the latter, give yourself a second shot at that first date screening and finish out your checklist.
We think about love all of the time at Kelleher International. Not just cupid + flowers + walks-on-the-beach love, but the real kind of love that keeps people together for a lifetime. Your great friends will tell you “don’t settle” when it comes to love, but mostly what they’re talking about is the early-stage attraction phase of romance. Make sure she’s smart, make sure he’s caring, make sure they’re good looking…all great pieces of advice, but I want to add a new dimension — make sure they will be the right person for all of the ups and downs or real life. It’s pretty self explanatory, so I won’t elaborate. It’s a core element of how we match singles within our extensive network. Life is long, and the texture and variety of that life is multiplied by 100 with the right partner.
A couple of times a week when I am meeting with a prospective Member I hear the phrase “I’m not sure if a match maker is right for me.”
Obviously, I’m biased, but in that moment, rather than pitch Kelleher International’s twenty-seven years of experience or our extensive network, I try to turn the question around.
“Are you happy with the current state of love, connection, personal partnership and companionship in your life?”
“What is your confidence that this will change in the next twelve months?”
“Does your business use salespeople? Does an accountant help you with your taxes? Do you use a lawyer for specific purposes? Do you believe engaging a professional matchmaker will dramatically change the likelihood that you will meet the person you have been unable to find?”
The objections to engaging a matchmaker we encounter most regularly are pretty straightforward. It’s almost never about the cost — nothing is more expensive than loneliness or unused compassion. More often the objections are rooted in a mistaken understanding of our business based on a TV show (those shows have as much similarity to what Kelleher International does as Grey’s Anatomy does to life as a physician or Glee represents life in a typical high school) or some misplaced embarrassment or past bad online dating experience (that is the most common).
Today’s post is not our usual snippet of seasoned advice for dating and romance.
Following a series of unfortunate incidents, this past week the three largest online dating companies signed an agreement with the state of California to run checks on members for the most terrible of crimes. Essentially, if a member has committed a crime that requires registration with local law enforcement, and they are actually using their real name online, then that person will be kicked off the service.
Years ago Kelleher International made a commitment to the safety of our members and integrity of our service by making identity verification a mandatory part of enrollment in our service. When we talk about our elite network of singles, we generally focus on their accomplishments in business, entertainment, philanthropy, sports and academics – love blossoms in shared interests, passions and exciting life journeys. We rarely talk about the “business” of how we do matchmaking, but in twenty-seven years we’ve never had a single complaint of “he’s married”, “she’s not who she says she is”, “he’s never worked where his profile suggests” or “I think they’ve been in serious trouble with the law”. This is not the exciting part of matchmaking, but it is part of our commitment to a personal, exclusive, and safe experience for clients that we think more of as “family members” than “customers”.
We applaud the efforts of the State of California to make this happen, and for those online services, we wonder “where have you been for ten years” and hope they take the next few steps past this preliminary screening.
Trying to draw similarities between the reality show The Bachelor and matchmaking is like trying to connect “ham” and “hamsters” — they may sound somewhat similar, but that is where the parallels end. The most recent season of The Bachelor just wrapped up, and the early predictions are that their success rate is going to drop from 7% to 6%. Nothing could fly more squarely in the face of how couples are brought together, but as a Matchmaker, someone asks me about the show five times a week. Also, this season’s bachelor, Ben Flajnik, lives about 20 minutes from our global headquarters.
That doesn’t mean I don’t watch the show.
The first lesson you can draw from the show is the same lesson from every season: You can’t put love on a timeline. To “win” on this show, the rate at which two people “fall in love” has to line up perfectly, and it just never happens. If the main driver of saying “I love you” is that you know four other women have said it and you want to “get that rose”, then the phrase cheapens your feelings.
And while Courtney Robertson, or at least the way she was edited to make the show exciting, seems like a manipulative, mean-spirited woman, she brings a great second lesson from Season 16: Action speaks louder than words, and she was “in it to win it”. While the other women retreated back to the house to gossip and find safety in their shared insecurity, Courtney took the risks to stand out from the crowd and eventually ended up creating a great memory in Costa Rica. In the final episodes when most women were reading from the same boring script of “I really want to be vulnerable with you”, Courtney stepped it up with a memory scrapbook she made of their time together. I am sure that Ben flipped through that book many more times than he reminisced over any of his other conversations.
I’m not recommending you watch Season 17 of the Bachelor (every season I swear is my last), but whether you love Courtney or love to hate her, she was a great model for working hard to make a relationship happen.
You want to tell her what a great time you had and set your next rendez vous, but you know there’s some value in “the chase” (both directions) and you don’t want to blow it by seeming too eager.
You also don’t want to get caught up in the “games” of dating.
Our belief is very straightforward — you will gain more by showing clear interest and that your side of the chase “is on” than you risk in showing yourself too eager, too soon. Most of these rules were set in your 20s, when many of us were only interested in “dating” and nothing more than that. If you are serious about finding “The One”, then new rules apply.
Rule #1: No texting. Whether you are 22 years old or 62 the text message format lacks all gravitas and positive impact. It sends a message that you were only willing to spend 5 seconds to tell her “u hd a gd time”. At most it elicits another 140 character response which is not what you need to push forward.
Guideline #1: pick up the phone. While email isn’t the worst way to communicate, and it reduces awkwardness risk, phone adds the extra impact of the sound of your voice and the weight of “I was willing to commit an open amount of time”. When you layer on top of this the high percent of calls that go to voicemail, the phone call is the best medium.
Recommendation #1: Keep it short and simple with a planned sign-off.
Fill in the blanks…
[insert her name], this is [insert your name], I wanted to call and thank you again for a great evening last night. I’ve been replaying that conversation we had about [insert conversation] and today it’s got me really thinking about [something you will do].
{VOICEMAIL CLOSING}
I’d love to continue this conversation, I’ll give you a call [later today][tomorrow] and maybe we can plan another night out. I’ll talk to you soon, [insert name]
{LIVE PERSON CLOSING}
\Have a plan in mind for your next potential date — women love a man with a plan\
[Insert plan, e.g., "Theres a great new sushi restaurant I've been meaning to hit for weeks", or "There's a incredible tenor saxophonist at the Blue Note this Friday"], shall we continue the conversation this [insert day of next date].
Then wrat it up.
Don’t make the follow up any more complicated than it needs to be and always err on the side of removing any questions she might have in her mind as to your interest.
